Good day Beloved, today I am writing about something that I have been sitting on for what feels like a very long time. Reality says it has not been that long. I am sure you know how that goes. I thought about apologizing to those of you who are tired of my writing about grief and loss. However, I have nothing to be apologetic for, my Beloved. I believe mourning and grief are something that is not talked about enough. Grief and loss are natural inevitable parts of life that everyone deals with at some point. Grief is not a dirty word. It is not something to be kept in the dark. It is okay to talk about your grief, your sadness, your loss. The Western way of thinking is flawed sometimes and how we think about grief is one of those times in my opinion. It is a kindness to yourself when you talk about your grief. It is a gift you give when you allow someone else to talk about their grief while you listen without offering ways to fix it or encouragements to get over it. Grief is not something that can be “fixed”. It can however be survived and managed, with tons of patience and perseverance and time. I cannot stress enough the importance of being kind to yourself when you experience grief.
It doesn’t matter if the source of the grief is a spouse, a family member, a coworker, a pet. The feelings are real and specific to the griever or mourner. For me the loss of a pet is almost as intense as the loss of my wife. My pets are my babies, I never had the opportunity to raise human babies but I have had several fur babies, and I grieve each of them that pass out of my life to the next.
A while back I was talking with a friend who helped me put words to what I was feeling and I came up with an image of my grief over the loss of my wife of 34 years. To me, my Dolly was my sun and I her moon. We were tethered together and I orbited around her. She was my life. When she died, that tether was ripped out of my heart by the roots. Left behind is a wound that will never, never completely heal. The bleeding will slow eventually to a negligible amount, eventually. It will become manageable. It will interfere less with day to day life. The heart will be able to love again. Between the loss and the eventual is a rollercoaster ride that sometimes folds back on itself, sometimes is smooth and sometimes it feels like it is going to crush you. I am of the opinion that one thing that can keep you from getting crushed by your grief is talking about it. When you are able to pull the grief out a bit, hold it in your hand, look at it, talk about it, share it. One day you will arrive at the eventual where you can live life with your grief being a part rather than the whole of your awareness.
Beloved, what I hope you ponder after reading this is two-fold. First, BE NOT ashamed when you grieve. Second, BE NOT uncomfortable when someone grieves in your proximity. Third, DO BE gracious and willing to listen to someone who is grieving. Fourth, DO BE gracious with yourself when you grieve. OK so it is four-fold. Ha. Beloved, know that YOU ARE BELOVED.
Have a lovely…..
Mona LangmaackMelin
Mona's Monday Musings 